1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,030 (gentle music) 2 00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:03,360 - So in my lifetime, 3 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:05,830 I have known four individuals 4 00:00:05,830 --> 00:00:07,030 to take their own lives. 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,980 I lost my brother in 2013. 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:16,273 He had tried multiple times to commit suicide, 7 00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:19,857 and, ultimately finally succeeded. 8 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:23,320 He was in Kurdistan at the time on deployment, 9 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,300 and I remember standing in the shop 10 00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:28,320 and then all of a sudden, 11 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,660 it just got quiet. 12 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:30,740 And I was working on a vehicle, 13 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,260 so my back was turned to the large bay. 14 00:00:33,260 --> 00:00:35,320 A bunch of leadership starting walking towards me, 15 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,590 and they, you know, asked me, "Hey, can we talk 16 00:00:37,590 --> 00:00:38,470 to you really quick"? 17 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:39,970 And honestly, I locked up. 18 00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:42,167 I said, "No, you can tell me right now". 19 00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:44,530 Because I felt safe, 20 00:00:44,530 --> 00:00:45,830 I felt safe around the vehicles. 21 00:00:45,830 --> 00:00:47,080 I felt safe in the shop. 22 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,749 I felt safe around my people. 23 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,452 (gentle music) 24 00:00:50,452 --> 00:00:51,760 Then in 2014, 25 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,410 my mom was diagnosed with cancer. 26 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,470 And in 2016, she ended up suffering too much 27 00:00:58,470 --> 00:00:59,307 that she didn't want to go on anymore, 28 00:00:59,307 --> 00:01:00,743 and she took her own life. 29 00:01:01,870 --> 00:01:03,870 And it was kinda hard, 'cause, you know, 30 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,763 her son did the same thing years before. 31 00:01:08,010 --> 00:01:11,740 So just to imagine what was going through her head, 32 00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:12,890 and that she was alone, 33 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,283 there's no, no goodbye. 34 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,600 No "I'm sorry". 35 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,433 No, no nothing. 36 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:24,540 She had fought and struggled long enough, 37 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,640 and she just couldn't do it anymore. 38 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,840 I still think I could have, maybe done more. 39 00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:31,580 But I think we have to 40 00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:35,360 realize that we, we do a lot. 41 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,710 And that we can't take the burden on ourselves, 42 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:42,300 we have to be able to trust in others to help us 43 00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:43,133 whenever. 44 00:01:44,029 --> 00:01:46,100 For me, it's, it's been 45 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,020 having those anchors. 46 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,880 Having my step-dad 47 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,320 has been a huge anchor in my life. 48 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,560 My wife, 49 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,393 having her. 50 00:01:54,393 --> 00:01:56,700 She has been literally everything 51 00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,023 to keep me going for the last 17 years. 52 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,983 Then having an amazing son. 53 00:02:03,947 --> 00:02:05,020 At the end of the day, 54 00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:07,620 the Air Force has so many resources 55 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,443 out there for people. And I think a lot of people, 56 00:02:09,443 --> 00:02:12,180 are just afraid of how 57 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:13,370 going to mental health or 58 00:02:13,370 --> 00:02:14,470 going to the doctor or 59 00:02:14,470 --> 00:02:15,930 how talking to a counselor will 60 00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:18,240 affect their careers, their life, 61 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,313 their livelihood. 62 00:02:20,365 --> 00:02:24,380 I can say firsthand that I've used all of those resources 63 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:27,590 to keep me where I am today. 64 00:02:27,590 --> 00:02:30,860 And it's not affected my career in any way. 65 00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,470 If anything, it's only made it better 66 00:02:32,470 --> 00:02:35,100 because it's made me more resilient and more focused. 67 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,040 It's got me back 68 00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:39,632 to attacking the mission like we're supposed to be doing. 69 00:02:39,632 --> 00:02:42,215 (gentle music)