Appreciating the military child Published April 22, 2010 By Lt. Col. Liza Struck 30th Operations Support Squadron VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- April is the Month of the Military Child, so let's celebrate them! They're flexible, resilient, adventurous, and all those other qualities we impress upon them that are ingrained in us since taking an oath. All these great traits come with an unspoken cost, however, and what we sometimes take for granted is the stress of being a military child. My husband and I joke with our kids that they don't know how good they have it - followed up with the "when I was your age..." spiel - but quite frankly, they really do face more pressure and stress than I recall from my blissful childhood. Living with parents who operate under the tenets of "flexibility and versatility" can't be easy and to highlight that point, we uproot our children every couple years and make them start all over in new schools, to find new friends and familiar activities, and expect them to adapt, overcome and thrive (and try to be happy - is that really asking too much?). By the time I retire, our children will have moved and changed schools about seven times which for some military families is not too bad. When we move or deploy, we expect our kids to somehow go on with life and to their credit, so far they have. Should they survive the rest of childhood, I'm confident these experiences will make them stronger adults, but this too, may come at a cost to the entire family. Military kids who are stuck with parents whose core values include "Excellence in all you do" don't get much room to slack off. "Homework not done yet?" - no electronics. "Awesome report card, but got marked down for excessive talking, or worse, disrespectful behavior?" - don't get me started. And while we don't call it "PT," our kids participate in physically challenging programs - not just for the physical and mental benefits or the value of being part of a team, but to keep them too busy and too tired to get into big trouble. This strategy may not last forever but it seems to work well, so far. On top of parental challenges, raging hormones and so-called "friends" provide the remaining stressors that round out the childhood experience. Technology keeps them connected 24/7 with friends via cell phone or the internet but it also opens the door to a new, very damaging stressor. Back in the day, bullies didn't take time to write notes but text messaging and social networking sites are becoming playgrounds for vowel-less insults capable of inflicting deeper wounds than ever imaginable. The amount of cyber bullying taking place is disturbing. General Kehler, the Air Force Space Command commander, recently sent a message regarding the high numbers of Airmen lost, due among other reasons, to suicide. Even more alarming is the rising rate of child suicides. Our household has a NO PRIVACY ACT when it comes to safety and IT. How can we help our kids effectively cope with the growing list of childhood stressors? And what if they have problems we've never dealt with or they just don't want to talk to us about it? They might benefit from the perspective and advice of an outsider - a non-parental entity who lets them know they're not alone and who can offer pointers on how to cope with life's challenges. Options to consider: If they are comfortable talking to a chaplain, one is always on call; TRICARE has referral counseling services for our family members; an on-call Youth Military Family Life Consultant will meet with your child (and you, if desired) confidentially and if needed, refer you to a child or family specialist for further counseling. Military One Source also provides confidential, free counseling services for children and families. There are many opportunities for kids to be overwhelmed by our military lifestyle, in addition to the normal challenges of growing up. There is no substitute for investing the time getting to know what really makes our children tick but sometimes, we might need a little help. Some people may envision a child scarred for life because their parents sent them to counseling but I've used and referred these services with phenomenal results and I'm convinced our children are worth it. Meanwhile, enjoy their quirks and appreciate them for the road they've traveled and the adventures we're about to drag them on.