It takes AF families to lead AF families Published March 25, 2010 By Lt. Col. David Miller 2nd Range Operations Squadron commander VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- Years ago, while assigned to Hickam Air Force Base, Hawaii, I had the privilege of working with two of the finest leaders in the Air Force, the commander of Pacific Air Forces, Gen. Paul V. Hester, and our command chief, Chief Master Sgt. David Popp. While listening to these leaders address the needs of our PACAF Airmen, one theme, one challenge in particular resonated louder than the rest; it was the notion that "It takes Air Force families to lead Air Force families." In hindsight, I think there was a time earlier in my career when I failed to grasp the gravity of this charge and, in turn, did not appreciate the consequences of losing sight of its intent. Indeed, I underestimated the challenges and burdens placed on our military families, particularly the families of our deployed Airmen. There was a time when the pride I felt watching my family handle repeated moves and absences without complaint, probably prevented my digging deeper and critically analyzing the subtle, often discrete stress indicators in my family and those of my fellow Airmen. As a result, I no doubt missed opportunities to listen, talk, ask questions, smooth a transition or lend a hand to someone who simply needed some help. I hope that our Airmen leaders, particularly our first-time supervisors, can learn from my past mistakes and appreciate the fundamental importance of our Air Force families to mission success. As leaders and wingmen, we must constantly seek out innovative ways to assess their stress level and do whatever we can, no matter how small, to make their service to our country just a bit easier. The rationale is frighteningly simple ... the consequences of failing to do so will ultimately manifest themselves in mission execution, and that we simply cannot allow. Put another way, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!" If you will indulge me, below are just a few questions that I believe can drive the point home, perhaps illustrate opportunities to engage your Air Force family and, if necessary, lend that helping hand: - Have you ever had your son ask you after only one year in a new home/assignment, "Daddy, are we moving to our new house soon?" - Have you ever had to depart for what you knew would be an extended TDY without being able to tell your spouse/children where you were going or when you would return? - Have you ever noticed how many more friends your child has when he/she actually has the opportunity to stay in the same school for two consecutive years? - Have you ever noticed the informal support networks and unique skill sets (e.g. childcare provider, mechanic, tutor, grief counselor, etc.) that develop between spouses/families who find themselves in similar circumstances (i.e. PCS often, have a spouse TDY/deployed for extended periods, repeatedly placing kids in a new school, etc.)? If you answered, "Yes" to any of these questions, then chances are you have seen firsthand the unique stresses on the military family and can appreciate what I am talking about when I say, "It takes Air Force Families to lead Air Force families." As I alluded to above, there is a natural empathy between people in like circumstances and that empathy can help identify problems before they become crises. I believe General Hester and Chief Popp wanted our PACAF leaders to seize on that bond between Airmen to help us look inward, identify the problems facing our Airmen and their families, and do something, no matter how small, to improve their quality of life. That does not mean an unmarried, frontline supervisor cannot lead other Airmen with families. Quite the contrary, that single Airman has a unique insight and perspective that is invaluable. That perspective allows the larger leadership team access to a whole generation of single Airmen who otherwise might have no one they can easily identify with during a difficult transition to a new base, for example. It is this bond, this empathy between Airmen, that allows us to see things others might miss and is why I firmly believe "It takes Air Force families to lead Air Force families" is the perfect battle cry in this "Year of the Air Force Family"! Despite incessant media reports of the 'independence' of our young people, despite recent admonitions that information technology-based social networks obviate the relevance of interpersonal bonds between neighbors, the simple fact is often our Airmen, and particularly their families, find comfort in knowing someone identifies with what they're going through and appreciates the unique challenges inherent in being an "Air Force family." It is the responsibility of ALL leaders, from the frontline supervisor all the way up the chain to the four-star general, to remain engaged with their Airmen, treasure their families, and constantly seek out ways to improve their quality of life ... we owe them nothing less in return for their sacrifices and service!