Family crisis during a move

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Elena M. Oberg
  • 30th Launch Support Squadron Commander
It's the nightmare scenario. You've just moved to your new assignment and within a few days of your arrival, you find yourself in the hospital. Your baby, who you weren't expecting for three more months, has just been born weighing less than three pounds and having trouble breathing. The doctors have said to expect him to remain in intensive care for the next several months. You wonder how to tell your new supervisor about the crisis you are facing and if your new coworkers will understand why you are trying to spend as much time as possible at the hospital.

As we focus on the Year of the Air Force Family, we've spent a lot of time reflecting on how we interact with each other and our family members, increasing trust and assistance to each other. Many of these ideas are structured around Airmen and families who are already an integrated part of their unit and base. Today I'd like to shine a light on a window of time when our Air Force family is extremely vulnerable: immediately after a PCS.

Think about what it's like when you first arrive at a new duty station. You're more than a little nervous about making a good first impression. You want to be seen as the kind of person that others can rely on; you want to jump right in and start having a positive effect on the mission. The last thing you want to do is appear to be needy, "high maintenance" or, even worse, "unable to pull your weight." Now, fast forward to after you've settled into your assignment. You're contributing to the mission every day, your coworkers know that you are a hard worker, you've gotten to know your boss pretty well and you've made some friends. If you're married, your spouse might have made some connections with other spouses or with the greater community. If a family crisis were to occur now, you'd have a sense of who you could go to for help. You wouldn't worry about appearing as a burden on the unit by requesting emergency leave, your coworkers and friends would most likely offer their support, remind you to take care of your family and ask if there was anything they could do to help. What a difference a few months make!

So how do you bridge that gap from when an Airman first arrives in your unit to when they are more comfortable asking for help? I offer that coworkers, supervisors and the chain of command actually must be more involved and more on alert to the needs of their Airmen and families who have recently PCS'd. After shaking the hand of a troop and asking when their household goods are being delivered, ask them how their family is doing. If that Airman mentions a sick parent, a hospitalized child or other family crisis, take the initiative to make sure the First Sergeant and chain of command are aware of what's happening. Ensure that someone can talk to that Airman about options for him or her to take care of their family. The unit must treat those Airmen with the same expectations as if he or she had been part of the unit for several years. If leave is normally approved during a family crisis, then approve the member's leave and throttle back expectations of getting the new Airman trained and engaged in the mission.

What are the results of ensuring an Airman is supported during a family crisis that just happens to time itself with a PCS? I can tell you from personal experience you will have an Airman who can fully focus on the mission at hand and who is even more dedicated to the Air Force.

For example, that baby I mentioned earlier? He's four now and doing great. I will be forever grateful that my new unit supported my request for leave so I could be with my son when I brought him home from his two month stay in the hospital. My new unit was anxious for me to start my job, but they also understood that they had survived without me up until that point and could make it a little longer without me. Those few extra weeks made all the difference for my family. As a result, we became even more passionate about our great Air Force family.