Leading and parenting the Air Force family Published Oct. 7, 2009 By Lt. Col. Maria Struck 30th Operations Support Squadron VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- As a dual-military couple with kids, child-rearing is a never-ending concern for us. As I've watched my children grow and learn, in parallel with my own growth and learning in the Air Force, I've come to notice striking similarities between the skills I use at home as a parent and the skills I use at work. My husband and I established this mission for our elementary school-aged children: Do their best in school while being respectful and thoughtful, in order to become happy, compassionate, productive contributors to society. Cleaning their rooms, taking care of the family pet and generally doing whatever they're asked to do falls into this grand, shaping plan, even if execution is not always to our time or quality standards. As they've grown, so have the quantity and nature of tasks they are expected to accomplish, as well as the consequences for not taking care of business. When lapses in behavior or discipline occur, the punishment is timely and appropriate to the occasion in order to discourage further repeat --sometimes stronger than we'd really prefer but necessary for deterrence. As a kid, I recall scoffing at the parental saying: "This will hurt me more than (or as much as) it hurts you..." but I now fully understand the truth behind that statement. Our kids watch every move we make (those they notice in between Disney channel episodes and whatever activity they happen to be engaged in). They are quick to point out any discrepancies between what we say (or what they thought we said) and what we actually do, as well as any perceived inconsistencies in fair and equitable treatment--you know: "he got a bigger slice than me" or "how come she gets to... (fill in the blank)?" or "last time this happened, you... (fill in the punishment)." We try hard to match our actions with our words and do our best to ensure each kid gets a fair share of the pizza. Sometimes, though, they get the lesson that life isn't always fair--never an easy lesson to stomach or to have to teach--but you keep trekking along. We marvel that even when they were younger, they took pride in helping us and feeling like they made a significant contribution to the family. These occasions, of course, were met with much praise and pride on our part, as affirmation that we may have gotten something right, as parents. They crave and need our attention, even when things are going well and especially when things aren't going so well. And we judiciously weigh when to step in and offer a course correction or when they need to figure things out on their own, especially when it comes to learning to play nicely with others. I've noticed we, as Airmen, aren't so different in our needs and desires. Without a mission, vision or guidelines, we flail; we want to be led, motivated and inspired by someone who walks the talk and treats us like people; we desire feedback that we're either doing a decent job of meeting expectations or that we need to make course corrections; we wish for a little compassion when we screw up but hope at least for fairness; and we must want to contribute in a meaningful way, otherwise we would have chosen a different, easier profession. For many, the Air Force is their surrogate family. Several different African proverbs in existence for centuries translate to the saying, "It takes a community/village to raise a child." In 1994, Scholastic Press published a book by children's author Jane Cowen-Fletcher titled It Takes A Village in which a young African girl searches for her younger brother, only to find the rest of the village has been watching over him as well. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes an engaged Air Force family to raise good Airmen. Regardless of which family the Airman belongs to, invest the time and energy making sure we raise thoughtful Airmen capable of making smart decisions in the workplace, deployed or just living life. Secretary of the Air Force Michael Donley and Air Force Chief of Staff General Norton Schwartz declared July 2009 through July 2010 "Year of the Family," to focus on Air Force programs and initiatives designed to take care of the entire Air Force family--all Airmen (married or single), spouses, children, retirees, civilians and extended families. --education, counseling, housing, child care, employment opportunities Log on to http://www.af.mil/yoaff/index.asp to learn about AF-wide initiatives, monthly themes and programs or contact the Airman and Family Readiness Center for information about programs, local events and activities.