The power of an apology Published Aug. 7, 2009 By Tech. Sgt. Gary Sapone 30th Space Wing Equal Opportunity VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- My father died when I was younger, at a time when we were not on the best of terms. Whether he knew the end was fast approaching or not, he sat me down and sincerely apologized for driving me away. I know that he didn't want to leave this world with conflict in our family and with his eldest son; despite years of family misunderstandings, all of it seemed to magically disappear with that apology. I now work in Equal Opportunity, in which I am dedicated to helping others resolve issues and concerns both EO and non-EO related, getting our Air Force warriors back in the fight. As simple as it may sound, above all the resolution actions that can be taken by management and coworkers, nothing seems more powerful and able to accomplish more than a simple heart-felt apology. I recently read an article published on the "Psychology Today" Web site that stated, "Apology is not just a social nicety. It is an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person. It is also a way acknowledging an act that, if otherwise left unnoticed, might compromise the relationship." Although an apology cannot undo harm or past actions, it is crucial to our mental and physical health. Research has shown that receiving an apology has noticeable positive effects on the body; for an example, an apology can lower blood-pressure, slow the heart rate and steady your breathing, especially during times of conflict. One of the most important subjects that our office emphasizes during human relations training is intent versus impact. Whether you believe that our society, or our Air Force for that matter, has become too "politically correct," one constant still remains undeniably true: Despite your intentions, anything we say or do can be taken the wrong way by those around us. Our perception of what was said or done is our reality. No matter how hard you try, someone one day may take something you said the wrong way; and if you're married like I am, that has happened more times than I can count. So, what can you do if you unintentionally harmed another with your words or actions? The first step is recognizing that your words or actions missed the target, that they were not received as you intended either by someone giving you direct feedback or by their non-verbals. Second, take responsibility and correct the misconceptions right then and there; apologize! When we receive an apology, it helps us move past our anger and it helps keep us from being drawn to the past. When someone apologizes, it's easier to view them with compassion and gain empathy, which opens that door to forgiveness. Don't underestimate the power of an apology; it can benefit the "giver" as well. Some of us may feel guilt or regret when we have hurt another person and that can eat away at us. By taking responsibility for our actions and words and summoning the courage to apologize, we can further develop our sense of self-respect. During this Year of Leadership, with the focus for August on "Family," I invite you to take some time out of your day to express to those around you how much they mean to you and if there are any lingering misunderstandings, there's no better time than the present to apologize.