Stress and parenthood: listen to yourself and talk it through Published April 22, 2009 By Julie Ramsey 30th Medical Operations Squadron VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It places constant demands on your time and patience. These pressures can create feelings of frustration, irritation, resentment and helplessness. These are all normal feelings. If you consistently have any of these feelings, there are places to go where others talk and learn about feelings and parenthood. Below are some examples of just a few feelings you may have as a parent: Lonely and cut off "I'm always tied down to the house and kids with no where to go!" "I don't have anyone to talk to." "Nobody would understand." "If I were only closer to my family things would be so much easier." Resentful and Angry "No one appreciates me." Why does the burden fall on me all the time?" "I can never do what I want to do." "Being a parent is sure not what I thought it would be." Up the wall with kids "I lose my temper more often lately." "I can't stand the crying another minute." "I'm afraid of what I might do to him/her." "I'm in constant conflict with my teenager." Down on your kids "I can't do anything right." "I feel so unimportant." "I try hard, but never get anyplace." Unsure "I don't know what to do with this child." "I can't decide what to do next." "I want to be a 'good parent,' but I don't know how." "I never know if I'm doing the right thing." These feelings can be overwhelming without help from the outside or a support system. When you feel overwhelmed or stressed, you may lash out at those closest to you--even your children and, of course, regret it afterwards. Lashing out could cause more harm for you and your child. It's painful for your child, and it's painful and scary for you. It only creates more stress which encourages more lashing out behavior. It can be a vicious cycle. When these feelings build and you find yourself losing control or giving up, you have only to reach out. Share your feelings with someone else you can trust so you won't feel like you are in this alone. Reaching out will help you discover that: - You are not alone; other parents have problems that are very similar - There are people who care about you and will listen to you - There are people who can help you with your children. By reaching out your will learn: - How to meet your needs and take time for yourself - How to deal with the stress in your life in a constructive way - What to expect of children at each stage of their development. - Ways to discipline that may work best for you You will realize: - When you feel better about yourself you are more able to stop the negative self-talk and focus more and deal better with day-to-day crises - You are important, too - When you feel good, you have more energy and you are more of a positive role-model for your children and others that are around you Family Advocacy will be conducting a six-week parenting group to discuss the issues presented above. Anyone on base is welcome to attend. Please call Family Advocacy for additional information at 606-8217.