Communication eases tough times

  • Published
  • By Jodie Wankowski
  • Special to Times
The biggest clue a new season is almost here can be found in packed classrooms across the state. Desks and the smell of freshly sharpened pencils welcome students back to school.

Before each day's dismissal at the elementary school here, moms and dads stand outside its fenced area. They wait for that final bell to ring and the children to be released.

The time between the parents' arrival and children's dismissal has become an informal social hour. Parents mingle and discuss the latest news, trends and share tales from the crib. Friends are made, play dates set-up and time passed.

I am included in the loop of a wonderful social circle. Each afternoon school pick-up, I seek out a few other moms with whom I share similar ground. The conversation is lively, uplifting and brimming with fellowship.

Being military affiliated, we hit on every issue affecting our unique dependent lifestyle. From squadron issues to the latest commissary case lot sale, all aspects of the armed forces family culture is readily discussed.

The other day, talking in a small group of spouses, I made a faux pas. I had asked how an acquaintance's husband was doing.

"He's deployed," the other spouse said.

Not relishing the taste of shoe leather from my foot-in-mouth remark, I apologized for my insensitivity. Having a husband who has numerous deployments under his web belt, I realize how rough spouse absences are and the importance of being sensitive to the families left behind.

Shrugging off the comment and accepting the apology, the spouse replied "It's okay because we talk every day."

She told me the place where her husband is serving has computer access. There are regular morale calls and a world of technology available to keep them connected. In a way, his deployment has deepened and enriched their marital communication.

Years ago, there was a woman named Linda. She would wait by her mailbox for a letter. The mail arrived everyday and brought bills and greetings from family across the country. Less often, a letter from across the pond would come. Sometimes the letter from really far away came every two weeks and every so often only once a month. In between notes, Linda found herself worried sick, wondering about the fate of a young pilot serving in the Pacific Theater.

The young aviator was Linda's husband. In the years he served overseas in the second Great War the couple's communication was sporadic. Separated by continents and affected by slow mail, the married couple missed many moments of each others' lives. From childrens' firsts to unclassified mission successes, little bits of everyday life were not shared by the husband and wife.

The day came when the pilot landed back on American shores. He walked onto the tarmac and into the arms of his wife. The embrace proved time apart didn't make them strangers.

Linda was a frequent shopper at the Goodfellow Air Force Base BX near San Angelo, Texas. Widowed three years when I met her, she joked that her husband had a PCS to heaven.

My husband Tim, a newly enlisted Airman, had just started his first overseas deployment. I was complaining to Linda, my BX shopping buddy, he only called a few times a week. It would be the first time I heard the story of a young wife, a faraway husband and the empty mailbox. It was also the first time I felt appreciation for benefiting from the Air Force's commitment to improving life for military families. The current generation of military spouses has reaped great rewards from the Air Force's commitment to improving families' correspondence.

No one likes long deployments, but all should be grateful for the technology developed to keep families connected. Most Airman and Family Readiness Centers provide computer access and e-mail set up for the technologically impaired. Information and special moments can be shared by a click of the mouse. Squadrons have developed Key Spouse programs to help register left behind husbands and wives for morale call privileges. Military communication has come a long way from the days of solely relying on mail to keep family connections strong.

There is no magic computer program created that can ease the feelings of loss when a loved one deploys. Consistent phone calls will not replace a loving embrace. Deployments are a way of military life and a necessary sacrifice for national safety. It is something all of us living the military lifestyle must face. Fortunately, during long days spent away the push of a button brings messages from faraway. The ringing from a morale phone call is louder than the echo of an empty mailbox.

Improved communications, the product of many quality of life Armed Forces initiatives, have made long months apart an easier burden to bear for troops and families. The benefit of consistent contact has positively impacted many affected by long tours. Dealing with demands stemming from spouses serving has come a long way since Linda waited for letters from the fighting front.

A spouse of a deployed troop once put it, "It's okay because we talk every day." With an open line of communication that is continually improving, she just might be right.